Most of us freeze up when someone we love loses their job. We go quiet because we don’t want to say the wrong thing.
Being let go, especially when for reasons outside of our control, can feel like a huge loss.
It isn’t just income. Its identity, community and a sense of purpose.
Start by simply acknowledging it
The most important thing you can do first is acknowledge that this is hard. Don’t try to minimize it or rush to any silver linings.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this. Being let go can feel deeply unsettling, even when you know it wasn’t personal.”
That’s it. Simple. Direct. And most importantly, Human. It tells them you see them.
Name the feelings. Yes, all of them
One of the most powerful things you can do is give them permission to feel whatever they’re feeling. Job loss triggers a complicated mix of emotions and many people feel ashamed or confused by some of them particularly relief or anger.
When you name those feelings out loud, you normalize them:
- Sad
- Angry
- Frustrated
- A deep sense of loss
- Rudderless
- Even relief
Telling someone “everything you feel right now is valid” can be genuinely releasing. It removes the pressure to perform a particular kind of grief or recovery.
Give them space to mourn it
We live in a culture that rushes people toward the next thing
- “What’s your plan?”
- “Have you updated your LinkedIn?”
- “This could be a blessing in disguise!”
A job is not just a job. For many people it is a significant part of who they are. Naming it as a loss and giving them permission to grieve it, is one of the kindest things you can do.
“Be gentle with yourself. This is a loss, and you can give yourself the time and space to mourn it.”
An example of what this looks like in practice
Here’s a real message I sent to a client last week. It (hopefully) strikes the right balance between warm, honest and supportive (without being preachy):
That’s a tough update. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Being let go can feel deeply unsettling, even when you know it wasn’t personal.
I’m here to help. Let’s plan to connect next week.
Take care of yourself this weekend. Feel all your feelings. Everything you feel right now is valid: sad, angry, frustrated, a sense of loss, rudderless, or even relief. They’re all part of the initial stages of job loss.
Be gentle with yourself. This is a loss and you can give yourself the time and space to mourn it. We’ll talk next week.
Notice what works: it leads with empathy, not advice. It doesn’t jump to solutions. It offers presence and a concrete next step — without pressure.
What to avoid saying
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
Because it dismisses how they feel right now in favour of an outcome that doesn’t yet exist.
- “At least you got a severance package.”
Redirects to the positive before they’ve been heard. Save this kind of reframe for later.
- “I’m sure you’ll find something quickly. You’re so talented.”
Well-meaning, but puts pressure on them to reassure you and presumes a future they can’t see yet.
- “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”
This is problem-solving mode. Unless they ask for it, hold off.
- Saying nothing at all.
Silence, however well-intentioned, can feel like abandonment. A short, warm message is always better than none.
What to say instead
- “I’m so sorry. That’s really hard news.”
- “I’m here for you – no agenda, no advice unless you want it.”
- “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
- “You don’t have to have a plan yet. This is still fresh.”
- “Can I bring you dinner / go for a walk / just be on the phone with you?”
The most important thing
Show up. Reach out. Even if you’re not sure what to say, the act of reaching out, of saying “I see you, and I care” that matters more than having the perfect words.
People rarely remember exactly what you said. They remember that you were there for them.
Related Categories: Advice, Client Story, Featured
About The Author
Maureen McCann is an award-winning career coach, master resume writer, and master certified interview, employment, and career strategist whose clients include C-level executives, managers, and professionals in all industries including the Canadian banking, oil and gas, healthcare, IT, and government sectors.